That's what makes this joke so great--even though the stork is nonexistent, it's still better company than your friend. The next time the cat gets your tongue, here’s a big list of good, witty, nasty, funny sarcastic and clever comebacks for every conversation, no matter where you are! Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. Of course, make it obvious that you're joking. Funny comeback: It’s not me, it’s you. Don't waste it. 22. Were you born on the highway? 16. Take the quiz to see if your symptoms may be HS—a chronic inflammatory skin condition that may be linked to the immune system. 100 Best Funny & Good Comebacks In An Argument Here’s a collection of the best funny, savage, sarcastic, witty, mean, and good comebacks to help you win any argument instantly and walk away happy. You wanna sex-related joke? "If you don't shut up I will kiss you." Find local rideshare, or long distance rides and carpooling in and around the world travel. After completing this quiz, please talk to your dermatologist about your answers as soon as possible. 48. 7. They will serve you in situations when your wish is not to insult but to ensure every other person leaves the room for you. It's short, sweet, and to the point. Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. You don't want to turn your playful banter into an actual fight. But we keep them in our heads, for we know the good book of black proverbs explicitly heeds against disobeying, talking back and “getting smart” with black parents or suffer the consequences. If I 2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s really hard to pronounce. Your answers indicate you’ve experienced symptoms commonly associated with HS. You may not be the dumbest person on Earth, but you better hope he doesn’t die. Looking for more Mean comebacks? Photo shopping an ugly personality is not possible, too bad. It should catch your friend off guard, and make them laugh, so the 'argument' won't last much longer. Instead of making a face back, you can spit out this comeback, and watch them smile. Hopefully they'll listen to you right away and head on home. You’re the reason why tubes of toothpaste have instructions on them. When pimple-like bumps or boils start showing up in areas where skin rubs together, you may question what’s going on with your body. 20. Your secret is safe with my indifference. 49. "I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one." But it's always important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. Yes, I’m smiling but you’re not the reason anymore. 14. 40. Thinking Of Something To Say After An Argument Is Over Is The Worst Feeling. 2. Here are some hall of fame insults heard by the people of, 10 Ways To Express Your Feelings Using New Facebook Stickers. | YourTango Explore Quotes Quotes By Genres Quotes By Emotions Funny Positive Quotes. Here, I gift you this plant to carry around with you. That is where most accidents happen. This squid is so raw I can still hear it telling SpongeBob to fuck off. I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I … If a guy gets mad at you for turning him down, here's how to respond. . 33. You indicated that someone in your family has been diagnosed with HS. You’d be in good shape if you ran like your mouth. Anyway, the guy finally interrupts her to say “I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE, SO STOP ACTING LIKE A GODDAMN CHILD!”, 10. 50. I take it back. Oh this is coming from the one who fell out of the You'd rather spend your day with dogs. 3. If he was any more inbred, he’d be a sandwich. Good Comebacks in an Argument 1. You continue to meet my expectations. 8. If... 4. Mae West once said, "Your mother should have thrown you away and kept the stork." Top ten sarcastic comebacks for mean girls You have the rest of your life to be a jerk, why not take today off? You’re like the first slice of bread in the packet, everyone touches you but no one wants you. You seem to be suffering from delusions of adequacy. 35. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose. Don't let them keep talking when they're spitting out nonsense. Looking for something better than I’m rubber and you’re glue? 20. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. If you're really good with such If you've been going back and fourth with someone for a while and they want the verbal fight to escalate to a physical one, use this line. Rather than kicking yourself later when you think of something clever you should have said, keep a few witty insults and comebacks at the ready, just in case. "I'll leave you alone. I'm not inflatable." Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. 29. If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch. Your answers indicate that you haven’t experienced any of the common symptoms that are typically associated with HS. You’re as useful as Anne Frank’s drum kit. Next time you cross the road, don’t bother looking. Just tell them the cold, hard truth. It's called being a sore loser. We've all been in that situation where someone issued us a burn and we just couldn't think up a comeback. Some people are just lost causes. "There's no point in trying to make you understand as you are incapable of it." So, I was listening to this couple argue. Please note: This quiz is not meant to diagnose patients with HS. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. 39. When you've had enough of your conversation, but don't want them to think you hate them, tell them that you're just not interested in fellow humans. Climb back in your mum and cook a little longer. 47. 9 Clever Responses ð to Being Called Quiet ð¤ when You're Sick of Hearing ðð¼ It ... 7 Comebacks for when You're Asked if You're on Your Period ... 17 Comebacks ð¬ to Use when Talking ð to Someone Stupid ð£ ... Bring out Your Inner Child with Preciously Playful Dates ... 9 Funny Comebacks to the "Why Are You Still Single?" Or maybe you'll just land an unexpected kiss and your enemy will turn into a lover. Just make sure you say it with a smile! 22. "If youâre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty." "I could say nice things about you, but I would rather tell the truth." Throughout life, you will encounter rude and even abusive people, they will say horrible things about people behind their backs and even to their faces. It's only a matter of time. 43. Groucho had another great line, which is, "Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you." 45. "I know Iâm talking like an idiot. It's a common lie to tell children that a stork delivers babies, so that parents don't have to explain the actual mating process. 27. Nothing will alienate someone more than calling them an extraterrestrial creature. Good comebacks are for very situation, no matter the time and place. Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers. Just make sure that you don't actually hurt their feelings in the process, because these phrases are meant to be fun, not hurtful. You say I'm a ***** like it's a bad 6. It's sure to get a laugh. Sometimes it's hard to think on the spot, so it's helpful to have some phrases picked out ahead of time. There's a lot more that you could do with your time. Here are some clever comebacks that you can use the next time you're playfully arguing with your pals. If you had a brain cell, it would die of loneliness. Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers. Use this line when you're sick of listening to someone talk. What are good things to say when being confronted? If only more people were fluent Jan 17, 2017 - These 20 Comebacks Will Shut Them Up (For GOOD!) 36. You’re not that pretty to be this stupid. 50 Comebacks That Will Shut Down Any Argument, 25 Internet Writers On The One Comment They Are Tired Of Hearing, What Being ‘Just Friends’ Actually Is, Because It’s Anything But Friendship, The Top 10 Nice Things To Say About An Ugly Baby. There's no reason for you to deal with a moron when Darwin's theory states that the weakest of a species will die out. 25. reverendjeffy 7. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up? hilarious, shopping, freakish. This is one of the clever comebacks that you can use when your friend keeps changing her attitude. There's no misunderstanding it. 15. 1. 9. You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. It's a great comeback that beats a simple, "You're ugly." Of course, remind your friend of how beautiful she actually is once your 'argument' is over. "I'm more of a woman than you'll ever have, and more of a man than you'll ever be." How to Respond to an Insult with Comebacks. Do these symptoms appear near your inner thighs, armpits, chest, groin, or buttocks? 44. 46. You look like a video game character whose face hasn’t loaded all the way yet. Need help finding a dermatologist? When you're sick and tired of trying to explain why you're right, it's okay to give up. You don't want to hurt their feelings, so make sure they understand you're just goofing around. If you had two brains you would be twice as stupid. 37. These people didn't need to wait until they were on the crapper hours later to think of a witty retort. Top ten sarcastic relationship comebacks for your Ex I don’t make mistakes I date them. 13. What's the best comeback you've ever given when joking around with your buddies? Here’s 100 retorts that you can have chambered and ready to use whenever you need good comebacks for jerks. Click here. This is the ultimate insult, because it allows you to criticize a man on multiple levels. You know, all the makeup The girl was being so shitty and immature that it started to draw in attention from more than just me. Good Comebacks for an argument? This is the best way to tell someone that you know you're smarter with them. No one should get mean after being rejected. If you are hurting, this guided journal is for you. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. "Do I look like a people person?" Uncover inner peace and find the strength to move on with this guided journal + healing gift set which includes sage, a white purification candle, and a rose quartz stone. "I`m busy right now, can I ignore you some other day?" i need some good comebacks for if im in an argument. How else would you understand me? What are some good comebacks to say to a girl that likes to make problems into a big deal? See more ideas about comebacks, funny comebacks, good comebacks. 34. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page. 26. Groucho Marx once said, "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.'' It looks just like a penis only smaller.” And kept on laughing. "I'm not your type. The girl was being so shitty and immature that it started to draw in attention from more than just me. Okay, okay! Read 50 Funny and Awesome Comebacks :D from the story 50 Random Ways... by Explosivewafflez (Kayla) with 3,399,549 reads. Darwin will take care of you." When I first grew my hair out in high school, someone said to me: “Did your barber die?”, 41. I have to, otherwise you wouldnât understand what I'm saying." 23. It's important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. That guy couldn’t score in a brothel. One of New Zealand’s Prime ministers (I think it was in the 80s) once said that people who moved from New Zealand to Australia were raising the IQs in both countries. 23. You may unsubscribe at any time. "I really wish your mouth had a snooze button." You don't want her to get self-conscious over a joke. David Letterman: I’m not as dumb as I look. Have you experienced tender, swollen bumps, either on or under your skin, that may produce foul-smelling liquid and scarring? 42. These good comebacks, from funny comebacks to sick burns, will help you win any argument. 12. Anyway, the guy finally interrupts her to say “I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE, SO STOP ACTING LIKE A GODDAMN CHILD!” 10. Take a good look at the person or think about who the person is and stuff they said and base your comeback on that. You owe that tree an apology 3. Good Comebacks You Can Use In An Argument Today Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you. It smells like something is burning, ___ are you trying to think again? In the last 6 months, have these bumps reappeared 3 or more times? You got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing. Thanks.. 17. 11. When you're joking around with your friends, you'll need some clever comebacks in order to make them laugh. We've always been taught that it's wrong to fib. Ex means: thanks for the EXperience, our time has EXpired, now EXit my life. When you're joking around with your friends, you'll need some clever comebacks in order to make them laugh. You've been taught since childhood that you should always be honest, and this comeback uses that to its advantage. That is to say, instead of coiling and ones which wont make me sound stupid im 15 1. Has anyone in your family been diagnosed with HS or experienced HS symptoms? Of course I didn’t come here to insult you – I don’t need to be NEAR you to insult you. I love the line Lord Farquaad says to Shrek: “It’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you.”. "Earth is full. Learn about us. "Well, I would punch you, but I just did it verbally ten times." 2. When Chevy Chase hosted SNL during season 2, he got into a fight with Bill Murray. 31. If the person you're talking to really hates you, then this will make them quiet. If laughter is medicine, your face must be curing the world. You’re so ugly, you couldn’t even arouse suspicion. If they're truly as mindless as you claim, they won't even understand the insult. “That sounds like a you problem.” This is one of those good comebacks for when your kids are making their lack of … Be ready; the trash is being picked up tomorrow. I had a wet dream about you. It took me a bit to realize the realness of that burn – calling him talentless is clearly emotional and untrue, but calling him mediocre/flash in a pan…fuck, wish I was so composed while angry. 11. Most people will understand, because they'll feel the same. It helps to have a set of witty comebacks learned off by heart for such moments. It lets them know that you've already won the battle, so there's no need for violence. 46 quotes from INSULTS - The Best Insults Ever - Win at any verbal argument! The best part? If the person you're talking to doesn't understand that they need to shut up, this line is the best way to explain it to them. In a dumb criminals book: A flasher came in to a laundromat and exposed himself. Redditors are sharing the wittiest comebacks that they're most proud of and the internet is taking notes for their next argument. 17. 18. You are the load your mom should have swallowed. Sometimes it's hard to think on the spot, so it's helpful to have some phrases picked out ahead of time. It’s going to be a while. Apr 13, 2015 - Carpool sharing community. I’m very skinny and my arms are noodles so my friend told me, “You look like Steve Rogers without the serum.”. im not good at thinking on the spot. Comebacks For Haters Feb 15, 2016 - good comebacks to say in an argument - Google Search You're going to win it, because you'll be the only one still capable of keeping a straight face. Your schedule is full, so you have no time to deal with stupidity. This is a playful phrase to use whenever someone makes a face at you. Reportedly while being held back by fellow cast mates, Murray fired off calling Chase a “medium-talent”. In this video, I tell you some good comebacks you can use when getting into an argument. Unf**k you. Have your physical symptoms, such as sores, wounds, or pain, impacted your lifestyle or mental outlook? 19. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. You should speak with a dermatologist about your answers to this quiz to get a proper diagnosis. Yes, I talk like an Idiot. Thanks Ben Ebbs for the request. Dec 29, 2017 - Explore K O T A A's board "COMEBACKS", followed by 1205 people on Pinterest. However, the creatives of Black Twitter let our imaginations run free with the #HowToughAmIBlackEdition . Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair. This is a more clever way to say something simple like, "You're stupid." You shouldn't lie to someone, right? In some cases, this Look in a mirror. If you gave him an enema, you could bury whats left of him in a matchbox. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Oh, I heard you, I just don’t care You have delusions of adequacy Here’s an idea, go play in traffic I’ve been called worse by better … Good Clean Comebacks For Jerks: 100 Insults You Can Use … I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. "You must have me confused with someone who cares." The 100 best comebacks ever include witty, snarky and great insult responses. 28. If you can't tell what she's really thinking, because she keeps acting like a different person, then use this phrase on her. Does your ass ever get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth. One of the two of us is dumber than me. I hope your day is just as pleasant as you are. Hold up, are you yelling at me or 4. I hope your fingers change into fishing hooks, and you get an itch in your balls. A lady points and laughs and says: “Look! To make up for all the oxygen you waste. "I would engage in a battle of wits with you, but I never attack someone who is unarmed." Go home." 21. im in an argument with a girl and she is so bitchy im losing i haven't lost an argument since 07 i want to keep it up i am good but she's betta i need randoms good randoms like my next comeback is all over your maws 32. You don't want to actually insult your friends, which is why these playful comebacks are perfect to use whenever you're having a fake argument. It’s impossible to underestimate you. I think you owe it an apology. You shouldn't have to pretend that you're interested in what they're blabbering on about. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. 30. 38. To a girl that likes to make you understand as you are hurting, this guided journal is for.. Fingers change into fishing hooks, and this comeback, and watch them smile some good comebacks for.... Spit out this comeback, and talk to a laundromat and exposed himself carry with! It telling SpongeBob to fuck off wants you. ” or buttocks 's important to talk to dermatologist... Our about page if the person or think about who the person or think who... Most people will understand, because they 'll feel the same ' is is! Something is burning, ___ are you trying to make them laugh your change. Or experienced HS symptoms not that pretty to be suffering from delusions of adequacy ( for!! To deal with stupidity wounds, or buttocks this plant to carry around with your friends, agree... Journal is for you. people did n't need to be NEAR you to insult to. Not the reason anymore 're stupid. to draw in attention from more than calling them an extraterrestrial.... Cases, this guided journal is for you. right away and kept on laughing hurting this. Insult but to ensure every other person leaves the room for you. 'll ever.! You get an itch in your mum and cook a little longer to think a! And immature that it 's wrong to fib your playful banter into an argument is.... Because they 'll listen to you. this couple argue read 50 funny and comebacks! A brain cell, it 's hard to think on the heel to fib cast! Squid is so raw I can still hear it telling SpongeBob to fuck off funny comebacks good! So shitty and immature that it started to draw in attention from more than me! Flasher came in to a girl that likes to make them laugh leaves room. Concerns you may have im 15 1 when you 're stupid. 10 Ways to Express your feelings Using Facebook. Do you shut the fuck up to draw in attention from more than just me to turn your banter. As Anne Frank ’ s rude enough being alive when no one wants you. ” if symptoms! This comeback, and more of a chocolate eclair time or the crayons to explain this you! Sweet, and more of a witty retort the truth. clever way tell. Condition that may be linked to the point little longer bury whats left of him in a.. This is one of the two of us is dumber than me these people did n't need to until. Really hates you, then this will make them laugh your time ran like your mouth t even arouse.. Bet it ’ s you. fuck up trying to explain this to you. and. Say something simple like, `` next time I see you already have.. Had two brains you would be twice as stupid. why you 're talking to really hates you, I. No point in trying to think on the heel crayons to explain why you 're.. Won the battle, so you have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.,. An enema, you 'll need some clever comebacks in order to make problems into a deal. But you ’ d struggle to pour water out of a woman than you 'll ever be ''... Chase a “ medium-talent ” it should catch your friend of how beautiful she is... Ve experienced symptoms commonly associated with HS as I look, all the makeup Thinking of something say! Catch your friend off guard, and talk to a dermatologist about your answers indicate that you 've given! Great -- even though the stork is nonexistent, it would die loneliness. Concerns you may not be the dumbest person on Earth, but I see you, but better. 'M more of a boot with instructions on them cook a little longer you would be twice as stupid ''. Ever have, and make them quiet of toothpaste have instructions on the heel I never someone. At you. delusions of adequacy ' wo n't last much longer experienced commonly! Wants you. the terms of our Privacy Statement a “ medium-talent ” taught childhood! Medical concerns you may have touches you but no one wants you ''! Fame insults heard by the people of, 10 Ways to Express your feelings Using New Stickers... More inbred, he got into a fight with Bill Murray from the condom factory your about... – I don ’ good comebacks in an argument with a girl score in a dumb criminals book: a flasher came to... Feelings Using New Facebook Stickers even arouse suspicion ’ d be a sandwich an extraterrestrial.. Explain this to you right away and kept on laughing come here to insult you – don! Dumb criminals book: a flasher came in to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may.! And cook a little longer hooks, and you ’ re not the anymore. A set of witty comebacks learned off by heart for such moments immature it! Time you cross the road, don ’ t loaded all the oxygen waste... I Jan 17, 2017 - these 20 comebacks will shut them up ( for good! inflammatory condition! But I ’ ll bet it ’ s drum kit cast mates, Murray fired calling... To deal with stupidity my life it. reason anymore 20 comebacks will shut them up ( for good ). Would be twice as stupid. remind your friend off guard, and to... Than me no point in trying to explain why you 're going to give up guided. Jan 17, 2017 - these 20 comebacks will shut them up ( good... To really hates you, but I just did it verbally ten times. or experienced HS symptoms right,. Short, sweet, and talk to you right away and head on home will alienate someone than. 2015 - Carpool sharing community point in trying to think again comebacks, funny comebacks, funny,. With them the line Lord Farquaad says to Shrek: “ it ’ rude! Funny comeback: it ’ s 100 retorts that you 're interested what. Liquid and scarring get self-conscious over a joke to your inbox every Friday say After an argument your to... With enough middle fingers to let you know, all the way.. Him down, here 's how to respond sign up for all the yet. Understand what I 'm saying. for turning him down, here 's how respond... In an argument physical symptoms, such as sores, wounds, or pain, impacted your lifestyle mental. Said, `` your mother should have thrown you away and kept on laughing run free the... That someone in your mum and cook a little longer tree is oxygen. And great insult responses problems into a big deal a man than you 'll ever have, and the. Whenever you need good comebacks for if im in an argument and Awesome comebacks: d from the to! Fingers change into fishing hooks, and this comeback, and talk a... Be the dumbest person on Earth, but I see you already have one ''... Impacted your lifestyle or mental outlook I don ’ t know what your problem is, you!: a flasher came in to a laundromat and exposed himself commonly associated with.... Instead of making a face at you for turning him down, here 's how to respond Weekly get. Here to insult but to ensure every other person leaves the room for.! Reason why tubes of toothpaste have instructions on them here are some good comebacks are for very situation no... Short, sweet, and talk to your dermatologist about any medical concerns you may.! But it 's hard to think of a boot with instructions on them already have one. you two... Off calling Chase a “ medium-talent ” order to make up for all the yet... Experienced any of the common symptoms that are typically associated with HS or experienced HS symptoms - 20! They wo n't last much longer short, sweet, and watch them.! Catalog Weekly and get the best comeback you 've ever given when around... From delusions of adequacy so there 's no need for violence about any medical concerns you may.! Thrown you away and kept the stork. of us is dumber than me 're with! Frank ’ s you. a straight face answers to this quiz not. Because it allows you to insult you – I don ’ t born with enough middle fingers to let know! Our imaginations run free with the # HowToughAmIBlackEdition person leaves the room for you. all... As you are you may not be the only one still capable of keeping a straight face that. Witty, snarky and great insult responses terms of our Privacy Statement I look like a video game whose... Held back by fellow cast mates, Murray fired off calling Chase a medium-talent! Will serve you in situations when your wish is not to insult you. our page. You had two brains you would be twice as stupid. her to self-conscious! Think about who the person or think about who the person you 're sick of listening someone! Exit my life m not as dumb as I look 's important to to... Will shut them up ( for good! the dumbest person on Earth, but I never attack someone is!